Decisions

For some reason in the last several years I have had a hard time making decisions, for big things and for little things. It's extremely annoying and frustrating. It really makes it hard to do my crafts and to get other projects done. Maybe that's why I take so many classes because the classes make me concentrate on that one thing while the class is going on. Sure I am learning new techniques, I am digging down deep and exploring my feelings and desires, I am busting out of my comfort zone and doing actual writing - and I am enjoying it. However the writing and documenting isn't getting into actual journals or scrap books. I decided that I wasn't going to take any more classes until I can finish all my projects - there are so many - but now I have signed up for yet another one. All the current projects that I have signed up for and go hand-in-hand for a year long finished project, and that is great, but they are taking up time that should be spent on my unfinished projects.

That being said, this indecision is making it hard to get actual work done. I have so many unfinished projects, so many things I want to work on and can't seem to finish because it all involves making decisions. I even feel slightly schizophrenic in that I start on something and then my mind picks up on something else that distracts me, then I realize what I am doing and try and go back to the first thing. Ughs!

Saturday I decided to make a present for Yoli for her birthday. I knew I wanted to make a picture of sorts and I knew I wanted to use a quote, I even knew the quote I wanted to use. But when it came to actually designing the picture, picking paper, and ephemera, I was at a loss. It literally took me a full day and part of a night to finish this one little project. I did actually finish her present, and I was very excited to give it to her. I know that I work best when I have a deadline, an actual deadline not a self imposed one. Maybe I should work on a timeline to help me organize my projects to get stuff done.

In taking these classes some artists say to just take 5 minutes a day. I wish it were that easy for me.

What is causing this indecision? Is it that I am too stressed by life and therefor can't think straight? Am I too worried about making a mistake? I am a perfectionist, and I am restless, and my mind has too many thoughts in it. I am trying to be still. I am just having a hard time with it.

What am I missing, what is causing this? I wish I had answers. Maybe it will get easier in time. As mentioned, my word for the year is still. Maybe I am not still enough to relax so that I can create. I wish I had the answers so that I can accomplish more.

Help me!